What are the Chances?

November 11th 2022, was 21 years to the day from when I first thought of writing a book. It is also the day I signed a contract of representation with Pontas Agency - a literary agency that represents a diverse and talented group of authors. I am so humbled and feel such gratitude that I am now among them.

Twenty-one years ago, after going through more than seventeen hours of labor, I stared wide-eyed at the very calm face of my eldest son, Noah. That night, I couldn't stop thinking of my own mother. How could she give birth to me on the floor of a prison cell so far from her family and with no access to medical care?

That night, a story was born too.

The ideas percolated over the years until they began to take shape after Noah’s siblings - Gabriel and Maria joined us. Before this, my better half, Moges and I, tried so hard to make sure their lives were free of suffering that we denied them their rich, tumultuous history. But we realized they couldn’t grow up without knowing that without the tough choices their grandparents (on both sides) made and the excruciating circumstances they endured, none of us would be who we are - strong and resilient.

So I began to write. At first it was notes on scraps of paper, then handwritten letters to our kids, then typed up fragments here and there. The project really took off when I joined a wonderful writers' program called Creators Institute. I worked with a great developmental editor, Mike Butler, and met members of my awesome Writing Critique group Carol Yee, Susan Puska, Jen Welsh and Liz Kauffman, who made me believe I could put together a book that people beyond my three children would want to read.

Creator Institute partners with a publishing house called New Degree Press that helped me put together a crowdfunding campaign to cover publishing costs of the book.

I began to see greater possibilities when over two hundred people contributed to my campaign in just four weeks. So many even invested in multiple copies of the book, all based on this small idea that kept growing. Even now, long after the campaign closed, people continue to send me messages of interest and support, for which I am so grateful.

I pushed aside the ever lurking panic that comes with imposter syndrome and with the help of my editor Carol McKibben and writing partner Carol Yee, I spent this summer revising and polishing the manuscript. Four hours of writing a day book ended precious family time.

I thought I was ready to go until the next fork in the road.

“You have a story to tell and it has the potential to go big,” my mentors Carol Yee and Susan Puska told me. “You should find an agent and try traditional publishing.”

They will both remember me vigorously shaking my head no after I did a little research on what the chances are of getting an agent - about 1 in 6,000.

Literary agents - the path to large, traditional publishing houses like Penguin Random House, McMillan, Harper Collins, etc., are the key to going big. But agents can receive more than 1,000 queries a month from hopeful authors and each agent might pick up maybe- 2-5 projects a year. What are the chances an agent would want this story from a debut author?

After a while, I decided to listen. My beta readers needed more time to read through the manuscript anyway and Susan and Carol’s encouragement softened my hard no. While I waited for feedback, I started sending out queries to agents. That meant researching literary agencies, what they stood for, and who they represented. So much to learn! Those who know me will be able to visualize that color coded spreadsheet I set up to keep track of it all.

At the tail end of seventy plus query letters (they all felt like full on job applications) my hope was starting to waver. I remembered then that Moges’ friend Gabriel Abraham introduced me to his friend Hohete earlier in the year. I wrote to Hohete, who happens to be friends with one of my favorite authors, Maaza Mengiste.

“Could you ask her if she has any advice?” I typed into an early morning WhatsApp chat, willing myself to keep going as my self-imposed deadline of querying agents approached. Hohete reached out to Maaza for which I am so grateful. Maaza's response that she thought this story had potential gave me new energy. She also shared the link to Pontas.

I received five requests for my full manuscript (you initially only send a small portion of the manuscript when you query agents). Anna Soler-Pont and her team, Carla Briner and Clara Rosell Castells at Pontas, read it within a week and immediately responded positively. After researching the agency in-depth, I felt like they were the best fit. They are extremely supportive of the story and have so much enthusiasm for what it could do and where it could go. To say I am humbled by this whole process is an understatement.

As a teacher, I firmly believe in what we call teachable moments. Those unexpected things that happen outside of a well-crafted lesson plan where the learning truly happens. When we are fortunate enough to have a teachable moment, I always ask my students, - What can you really learn from this?

For me it is this - no one can succeed alone, my community got me this far. I also learned to recognize and appreciate the little things that seem insignificant for what they actually are - important stepping stones toward my dreams. Hard as it is to do, everyday I must find the strength to shush that nagging voice inside me that always asks - “do you really think you are good enough to do this?” by saying -

Yes. Yes, I am. With my community around me, there’s nothing I can’t do.